Getting ready for this summer

The days are getting longer as spring approaches and now is the time to start to think about getting ready for the summer, time to think about the beach and maybe shedding a few.  The question is always how to go about it.

Some plan where I consume nothing but three or four canned “shakes” every day?  I don’t see that working, if I want a milkshake I’ll go to Baskin-Robbins.  Some plan where I wait for the mailman to deliver those delicious meals in a cardboard box like they advertise on TV? That would be like waiting by the door for the pizza guy to show up and then finding he brought broccoli delight casseroles.  I don’t see that working either.  Science, that’s the place to look. We can put a man on the moon…

So I found this diet plan, the Every Other Day Diet (EODD).  Basically, you eat like you normally would one day and then the next day you eat about 1/6th of the calories of the normal day.  It says you can lose 10 pounds a month which is great but I want to lose the weight in three months not by the summer of 2014.  So I started to think about the science behind this diet which I guess has something to do with turning your metabolism on and off in addition to the reduced calories on the “off” day.

In a month you turn “on and off” 30 times while eating 1/6th of the normal calories every “off” day and you lose what, 10 pounds a month?  That’s not good enough.  What if, and stay with me on this, you cut your calorie count on the “off” portion of the plan to zero and cycled hundreds of times? What do you think? Getting excited? Here’s what I’m looking at.  Let’s say you sleep 8 hours a night that leaves you 16 hours a day times 30 days in a month equals 480 hours.  If you ate every other hour and skipped eating completely for the “off” hour (no cheating other than maybe a light snack on the half hour) the weight should pour off of you.  480 cycles vs. 30 cycles and zero calories vs. 1/6th the calories?  Come on, it’s a no-brainer.  No claims are made on how much weight can be lost because everyone is different but how does 30, 40 or maybe 50 pounds a month sound?  With the Every Other Hour Diet (EOHD) you’ll be going out for new clothes once a day.  Imagine how excited you’ll be when you tell the kid at WalMart to set aside those 55W 28L jeans that are a bit snug this morning because you’ll be back this afternoon.  Leave work on Friday and by Monday morning your co-workers won’t recognize you.  How great would that be? Magic? No, science.

This is what America is all about, improvement.  I can’t claim credit for the original plan but like other pioneers I will claim credit for improving the original.  This will be right up there with other major American improvements like the automatic transmission, the color television, the power lawn mower and the whitewall tire.

People will line up to hear me talk about the plan because they either want to lose weight quickly themselves or because they will think, “why didn’t I think of that?” and will want to see the bright light who did think of it.

I’ll have to write a book and no doubt I’ll be busy at first setting up the website. Then there’s scheduling Oprah and 60 minutes but hey, that’s success.

“Oprah’s book of the month?”  “Tell her hi and sure, I’ll be glad to join her for a quick interview.”  This is what happens when genius meets and defeats a problem . This is going to be huge.

There is one thing about this plan that is causing me some concern though.  It’s the way the plan turns your metabolism on and off.  I’m thinking that there might be a difference between on and off and off and on.  If I start with the normal eating of the “on” hour and then stop for the “off” hour will the pounds come off but if I start with the “off” hour and then eat normally the next hour will the pounds pile on?

But, you know, thinking about it I don’t really see that as being a problem.  If the diet works, great.  If it doesn’t, oh well.  It’s not really about losing weight is it? It’s about thinking you’re going to lose weight and isn’t that what the diet business is all about?

Have to go, my “on” hour is coming up.


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