It always seems to freeze up when I’m in a hurry to send an email or I need movie information or the weather forecast or I have to find the answer to the question, “how many elephants are there at the Duluth Zoo?” These crashes or lockups or breakdowns have been happening more often so I decided to call Fix-a-Byte, after seeing their website, “America’s on-line computer fixit shop”. America’s. They say they’re pretty good.
“Welcome to Fix-a-Byte, America’s on-line computer fixit shop. Please listen to the following message as our options have changed. If you are calling about computer repair for a business computer please press “1”, if you are calling about computer repair for a home computer please press “2”, if you are…”
“You pressed two, home computer repair. Please hold for a moment while we connect you to our next available technician.”
Oh great, the sitar. And the Beatles liked this? This isn’t a good sign. I don’t think Ravi Shankar is from Omaha.
“Hello, my name is Bob how can I help you?”
“My computer keeps locking up and I don’t…”
“Oh, I am sorry to hear that. May I have your name, please?”
“May I call you, Grigoree?”
“Now, first, Grigoree, please tell me whose computer you are using.”
“Mine, it’s a Dell.”
“Thank you, Grigoree, and second can you tell me what operating system you are using?”
“Thank you, Grigoree, and third, can you tell me which version you are using?”
“I don’t know.”
“Thank you, Grigoree, now I want you to open a website for me, please type, eggspore…”
“Please type eggspore, Grigoree.
“Can you spell that?”
“E as in Edward, Eggs as in Eggs-ray, P as in Peeter, L as in love, O as in Orange, R as…”
“Thank you, Grigoree.”
“What was the first thing you asked me?”
“What was the second thing I asked you, Grigoree. Who was the first.”
“The first thing you asked me, what was it?”
“What was the second.”
“I’m asking you what was the first thing you asked me?”
“What?—–wait, don’t tell me.”
Now, getting back to opening the website, Grigoree. Before we do that I must inform you that this call is being recorded and may be monitored for quality purposes, is that okay, Grigoree?”
“What? Sure. I guess. I don’t know.”
“I don’t know’s on third, Grigoree.”
Put Ravi back on.