A biography

I’ve always wondered how a biography is written. Take Abraham Lincoln, for example. We know when and where he was born but until he became accomplished how much do we really know about his life? What records are there? I suppose that the authors simply looked at the area and time in which Lincoln lived and created a narrative out of the most likely events. Maybe it does not really matter that much but it would be interesting to know more of the actual day to day details of the early life of a giant of American history.
Now if I ever become famous you won’t have any problem learning all about me.
“It was cold and dreary the morning of January 21st, 2014 (cloudy and 18 degrees but it felt like 5 degrees with the wind chill) when the late model sedan slowly pulled into the Gas and Save at 10:13 (11.192 gallons at $3.69/gallon minus 15 cents per gallon with his fuel perks card). After finishing the fueling the distinguished looking gentleman walked slowly into the Gas and Save store and poured himself a free double latte (every fifth coffee, tea, cold beverage or slushy is free as a member of the Gas and Save beverage club) and off he went.”
“The rest of the day was much like every other day as the good looking fellow left a digital trail all over town buying groceries (saving $1.50 on a pound of chopped ham with his Giant Food Express “Plus Card”), batteries at Radio Shack (no need to give them your phone number anymore with the use of the Radio Shack preferred customer card) and a printer cartridge at Staples using his Staples Rewards card. That night the handsome man and the Mrs. enjoyed the latest Hobbit movie with two large Diet Cokes and a large popcorn at the price of two medium drinks and a medium pop corn using their Movie Max card.”
Between customer reward cards, phone records and the GPS system in the car there were only ten minutes on that cold day in January that we don’t know where I was, what I was buying, what I was doing or what I was saying and texting (I don’t take my phone in the shower).
The biography about me should write itself. Maybe we won’t need an author at all, maybe all that we’ll really need is just some kind of biography app.


In my dreams

In my dreams I dream only of you
Of long walks in meadows under skies oh so blue
But my dear sweet love too often it seems
We are not alone inside of my dreams
No place to tell you my hopes and my fears
‘cause you’ve brought my Dad’s neighbor and the grocery cashier
And my seventh grade teacher and your dead Uncle Jack
The kid from McDonald’s and the guy in the back
Of the bus from downtown that I take every night
When I hurry home to be at your side

And it’s not really a meadow with acres of green
It’s more like a circus or some kind of scene
From a movie we saw in my Ford at the drive-in
With singing hot dogs and kids who were fighting
And a boat with two ducks and the lady next door
And Al Roker, Dick Clark and Zsa Zsa Gabor
And because we’re never alone it seems
I can only dream about my dream.

You’ve Got a Friend

When the president decided against going to Paris to join the other world leaders in showing solidarity against terrorism by participating in a march the decision created a great deal of bad press for the administration. The complaints and criticism eventually lead the president to send Secretary of State John F. Kerry to Paris to apologize for not marching and what better way to apologize and show that the US is firmly with one of our major allies than have the United States Secretary of State bring along a troubadour to sing the message that, hey France, “You’ve got a friend”?

When you’re down and troubled and you need a helping hand
and nothing, whoa, nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there to brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
I’ll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call and I’ll be there, yeah, yeah,
you’ve got a friend.

I couldn’t imagine a more ridiculous moment in world diplomacy but then I did a little research and found out that Secretary John F. Kerry was simply copying something that had been attempted years before by the United States.
In the dark days of 1940 the world saw Nazi Germany invade France in the spring while the German Luftwaffe flew nightly bombing raids over England. Both France and Great Britain pleaded with the United States but the US steadfastly decided to keep out of directly entering the conflict. America was there to support but not really help.
Franklin Roosevelt, feeling the pressure of a citizenry which was outraged by Germany’s actions, wanted to show support for both Great Britain and France and decided to send Secretary of State Cordell Hull to Europe to meet with both Winston Churchill and Charles De Gaulle.
Seeing that this was a delicate operation that needed more than just words, handshakes and a few photographs Secretary Hull planned to take Frank Sinatra on the trip to serenade the two European leaders with a popular tune that would bring a smile to their lips and make their spirits soar: “Sunny Side Up”.

Keep your funny side up, up,
Let your laughter come through, do!
Stand up on your legs,
Be like two fried eggs,
Keep your sunny side up!

Secretary Hull’s trip to Europe with Frank Sinatra never came about because it was learned that the Germans planned to torpedo the transport carrying the Secretary and the singer. Now here is where things get a little foggy. From the archive materials it cannot be determined if the Germans broke the coded messages about the trip or if Winston Churchill tipped off The Führer.

What is known is that the Croon-a-Tune tour never came about and so had no effect on World War Two. The US impact on the struggle came with the nation’s direct participation in total war that completely destroyed the enemy.

Isn’t that the way you expect this current story will have to end?

Rule, Britannia!

Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rule the waves!
Britons never, never, never shall be slaves——British patriotic song
The greatest fleet that ever sailed the oceans of the world can do nothing
And the great empire which at one time controlled about 25% of the world can do nothing
And the monarchy which led that great empire can do nothing
And the country led by Winston Churchill through World War II can do nothing.
The nation of the “stiff upper lip” which defeated Napoleon, fought in the Fields of Flanders and endured the German blitz is being laid low by the hippies of the sixties and the cry of tolerance above all else and is being destroyed by the tolerance of the intolerable.
How long before the ever marching barbarians inside the gates do what Napoleon and the Kaiser and Adolf Hitler could not? How long before, “Britons never, never, never shall be slaves” will be nothing but a quaint song sung by the slaves of Britain?
God Save the Queen? God save us all.

Round on the ends

(It’s) Round on the end and “Hi” in the middle.
Tell me if you know.
Don’t you think that’s a cute little riddle
Round on the end and “Hi” in the middle
You can find it on the map if you look high and low.
The O’s are round, it’s high in the middle. O-H-I-O That’s the riddle!
Round on the end and “Hi” in the middle.

Songs of The Ohio State University

Time stands still

There is nothing more wonderful than holding your first newborn. It’s such a very special time in both of your lives. The little eyes, the tiny fingers and toes, the softness, the smell and the warmth of that tiny infant. As you look at the sweet little face you know there is nothing you wouldn’t do for that precious child and you wish that you could hold the baby forever. You don’t see the changes and before you know it the baby is smiling, then crawling, then babbling and then walking. The baby grows so quickly and there is nothing that you can do about it.
But hold on, there is a way to stop time. There is a way to make time stand still. When the baby becomes a child sit down at a table and play Candyland. Time stands still.