What would Mom, Aunt Helen and Aunt Ruthie do?

My son, Timmy, will be six on Friday and Emily, Cathy’s girl, will be eight on Saturday.  So many kids in the family and that means way too many birthday parties and that means my wife and her sisters are doing the same thing that my mom and aunts used to do with all the kids’ birthdays: they group the birthday parties. It’s easier for the family and a whole lot cheaper, too.

Cleveland is having a good year.  The Cavaliers are in the playoffs and if you’re in the playoffs you have a shot at making the finals and the championship.  The Indians are also playing pretty well so far and staying healthy. With a better start than last year they might make the playoffs this year and again, if you’re in the playoffs you’ve got a chance to play in the World Series and win the championship.

Two contending sports teams and the city is also hosting the Republican National Convention  this summer so Republican delegates and Black Lives Matter and Occupy youngsters will be coming in from out of town.  Possibly two sports championships and a national convention and that means three potential riots.

I’ve sent a letter to the mayor about how my mom, Aunt Helen and Aunt Ruthie consolidated birthday parties and have asked him what he thinks about waiting until after we know if the Indians make the playoffs to plan a big riot/looting extravaganza for Cleveland.  You know, thinking about it if the Indians do get into the World Series and win that will be close to the Presidential election in November and that means another riot if Donald Trump wins. Four possible riots in one year, wow.  Help, Aunt Ruthie.

I know what mom, Aunt Helen and Aunt Ruthie would do, they’d plan one big event and that could be what the mayor might want to explore.  Fewer riots and less mounted police overtime cost for the city and a chance for Black Lives Matter and Occupy to tear up Cleveland and then go home with a big screen TV.  Seems like a sensible idea to me.

The only down side is if the Black Lives Matter and Occupy kids come in for the convention in July and then postpone their rioting and looting until later in the year, possibly in November, will they be able to get off work in order to come back for the riot and looting activities?


We’ve learned well

As the priest left the church Saturday night he was assaulted, pistol whipped and robbed by three men. The local TV station in reporting the story asked that anyone with information about the possible suspects or their location contact the police. According to the station the suspects were described as wearing all black; a gray sweatsuit and a gray jacket.
Anyone know anything? Has anyone seen the all black clothing, the gray sweatsuit or the gray jacket involved in the robbery and beating of an elderly priest? No further information was provided by the station on whether the sweatsuit had a drawstring or the gray jacket may have had a zipper. Small, Medium, Large or XLarge? Sorry, nothing else was provided.
Know something? Say something! The San Bernardino terrorist’s neighbor said nothing when she thought something suspicious was going on next door. She saw men who she now describes as being middle eastern going in and out of the house with packages at all hours. And what did she do? She did nothing. She didn’t want to be labeled as being a racial profiler and so people are dead and people are injured in San Bernardino and it was only because the terrorist’s bombs failed to detonate that more people weren’t killed or injured. Would it have been profiling if instead of identifying the men as being middle eastern she would have identified maybe suspicious clothing going in and out of the house with packages at all hours?
“…and then they came for me…” and everyone saw what was happening but nobody said anything for fear of being labeled a hater, a racist or a racial profiler. Those who witnessed the attack said that they could or would not pick out the suspect gray sweatsuit in the police lineup which included a beach towel, a light blue golf shirt, a green and yellow bedspread and a pair of Bermuda shorts.
We’ve learned well, America.

Pretty great

There is no doubt from watching the various protests which have taken place over the last year that there are Americans who hate their country. As the TV news reports showed businesses being looted, buildings being burned, police cars being set on fire, police being attacked with rocks and gun fire coming from those rioting in the streets we heard their chants calling for dead cops, heard their foul language, saw their obscene gestures and read their signs which condemned America as a terrible nation. The rioters spit on the flag, burned the flag, stomped on the flag and one bright light even demonstrated how to use the American flag as toilet paper.
It’s funny though that as we watch these anti-American demonstrations and riots we never see any of the America haters pull out a pair of scissors and cut up their EBT (electronic benefit transfer) card. I guess we can all agree that free groceries are pretty great.


So there I was heading up to the tee on the fifth hole at Twin Maples Country Club. That par 5, fifth hole (555 yards) has always given me problems but then I decided, not today.
As I stepped off the golf cart I pulled my driver out of the bag and instead of heading to the mens tee I said to myself, “Bob you are now Roberta”, and I walked to the ladies tee. Now I can’t say that I hit the ball any better but it just seemed that because of the shorter distance I had a little extra confidence when I swung that club. As I got back into the cart (after saying, “Roberta, you are now Bob”) I threw my fist into the air in a victory salute.
I did wonder whether or not I needed to enter some kind of note or asterisk next to my score but I decided that, no, this is a personal choice I am making and it’s nobody’s business if I am Bob or Roberta or Boberta or what I am doing or not doing on or off the golf course. My gender identity is my business.
It did cross my mind though that if I make a big deal out of using the women’s tees while dressed in a golf outfit that said Bob someone might object. If that happens I just might be playing at Boberta’s Twin Maples Country Club in the very near future.

Remember, not all

“Oh no, look, It’s coming down” and the world watched as Gustave Eiffel’s tower which had stood in Paris since 1887 crumbled into a pile of twisted metal that looked like the pictures of the Hindenburg disaster in 1937. And there could have been no greater shock until at the sound of an explosion the cameras swung around to show a massive black cloud rising above the Louvre Museum which had held priceless antiquities and art masterpieces from around the world.
“Oh, my god, they’ve done it”, and the new live images showed a destroyed Big Ben and Parliament Building in London and smoke rising above the rubble that was once St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome. The shock of seeing these world landmarks come down was greeted with sighs and comforting statements that they were only buildings and that few people had died or were injured and then a shopping mall in Des Moines and theatres in Buffalo, San Antonio, Portland, Tampa, Milwaukee and Atlanta were hit with bombs and gunfire killing 3000 people and vegetables were poisoned at supermarkets throughout the American south killing thousands.
The countries which had been attacked shuddered and the citizens waited in fear until finally the people had had enough and started to stir. As the level of the people’s anger rose those who had been taught well jumped up as one and in a mighty voice screamed out, “not all Muslims are terrorists”.